Healing From Guru-ism
POV: You find a teacher who you really love, start only attending their classes, take it a step further and sign up for their teacher training and you think you’re about to climb to this big mountain peak of your career.
And maybe in some ways you do. And maybe in some ways, without realizing it, you are actually sending yourself down a really dangerous path. This was me and it took therapy, growing up and a teaching a training to pull me out of that fantasy and into reality.
There is this ever-growing problem in the yoga community. Truly, it’s narcissism covered up by “guru-ism”. Some teachers making you believe that it’s their way or bust. That if you even think to do things another way you are going to injure people, ruin experiences or flat-out fail as a teacher. They have this power over you. They’re incredible teachers in a way, leading you into your body and into the practice so that you walk out feeling amazing and “healed” from whatever it is you needed to let go of.
But inevitably, as with anything that’s not meant for you, there comes the internal line of questioning and even confusion. How do millions of other people practice yoga perfectly fine without this one teacher? How come it feels so hard in MY body to do seemingly easy shapes… is there something wrong with me? Or… eventually when I started teaching “SHIT! I forgot to cue this ONE alignment point in ‘X’ pose and now everyone is going to be injured because of me”. Take it a step further, being a part of a training that couldn’t have felt more ‘yuck’ at the end and the months following. I was gaslight, emotionally abused and pulled into drama that I wanted no part of. People tried to destroy my reputation, hurt my family (yes… I can’t even believe this either) and attack my business. From the nine folks I had that year, only one remains in my life and it’s because they also read through and woke up to the real bs that was going on (and in general they are just an amazing human being). There is a lot more to that story and experience but I don’t feel it’s necessary to air out publicly. The point here is, that there is a dark side to the yoga teaching world and I know I am not the only one who has experienced it. It needs to be spoken about more. We need more teachers to come forward and really allow every single person to have their own unique and authentic experiences on and off the mat.
But now, back to how I got myself off that path and broke those habits and ideas that really didn’t feel good to me.
The imposter syndrome was REAL weeks leading up to and even weeks into that first training. I had convinced myself I wasn’t good enough or had the knowledge and ability to train teachers. Which is complete and utter bull-ish as I have now learned. Not only did the training go really well, but I learned so much more about myself as a teacher than I ever could have imagined. That learning really came in the form of un-learning. I answered those questions I had myself from my previous yoga experiences. I allowed our sessions to have open lines of questioning and exploration. “How does this feel in YOUR body'?” rather than "‘It SHOULD feel like this if you’re doing it right.” I would find myself saying things like “if this doesn’t resonate with you, let’s figure out something that does, together”. I can also never stress enough the importance of being a student first while being a teacher.
I let myself be wrong and mess up sometimes. I’d laugh it off and move on, or poke a bit of fun at myself or use it as a learning opportunity. I think doing any of this shows humility and sets a good example to future yoga teachers that it’s going to be okay if you’re not perfect all the time.
What did all of this do? Well.. I attended six practicums. Not one practicum was even remotely the same. They offered their own unique perspectives based off of their own unique experience as yoga students. This is going to set them up for success more than anything else could. More than hours of black and white anatomy lessons and being picked apart ever would have. Being truly themselves is going to provide them with students that really do fit their teaching style. It will allow them to build community and friendships that are authentic and real.
People keep saying to me, “I can’t believe HOW MUCH Drift + Oak is growing!” But I can… I have started to attract the people and community I am meant to be a part of. The universe provides as long as you aren’t afraid to show up exactly as you are. I can’t wait to meet every new person who signs up for class. I can say with full truth, I love the people who come to our studio. I love being at “work”. I love the off the mat connections we have, too. I’m thrilled to be able to continue to share all that I am learning now in my new training that is, coincidentally, called Aligned Yoga.
If you are someone stuck on that scary path and find yourself, too, questioning things you are being taught, I invite you to begin to break free and try out new teachers or yoga styles until you leave your mat only feeling amazing and fulfilled.
